in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize