nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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