Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You took a bar mat shot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
