I cannot find my penis.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
