i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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