Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
