This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
