I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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