I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
