How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
