Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I supernannyed him into submission
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
