need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
