Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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