my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
