I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
