Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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