you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize