There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
