..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
