we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
