my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
