dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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