I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
