she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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