ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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