I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
