I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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