its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
