Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
