I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
