so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
