oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
