I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so much tequila, so little girl.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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