I just gift wrapped bread.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
