They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
