when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
