even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
