I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
