I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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