I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
