I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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