who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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