I cannot find my penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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