What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
