Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a beard to bite.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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