There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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