so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You are the jesus of drinking
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
