Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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