Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize