It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
