YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize