it was like his penis was on wheels.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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