don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
