I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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