if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
