I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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