dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
