So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
