she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
