his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
