its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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