Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
