he puts the penis in happiness.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
