Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
