I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
