I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
