sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
