when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
