Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
